Tuesday, June 28, 2011

FAST FIVE (Vin Diesel, White Trash; 2011)

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The fifth installment of any franchise is usually more offensive than prison rape or the schizophrenic who sits on my corner screaming obsc...
2 comments:
Thursday, November 19, 2009

2012 : THE MAYANS WARNED US! JOHN CUSACK, OLIVER PLATT, EARTH (2009)

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IF THE WORLD WERE GOING TO END IN THREE DAYS I CAN PROMISE YOU THE MOVIE JERK WOULDN'T BE DEPENDING ON AN "ARC" MADE IN CHINA ...
8 comments:
Wednesday, October 14, 2009

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (KATIE FEATHERSTON, MICHAH SLOAT, 2009)

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IF YOU ENJOYED THE POUNDING YOU RECEIVED FROM THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT IN THE LATE 90'S, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY. P...
21 comments:
Thursday, September 24, 2009

SORORITY ROW (RUMER WILLIS & THE ATTRACTIVE BACK-UPS; 2009)

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THE BLOND GIRL FEATURED IN THE PICTURE TO YOUR LEFT IS PREPARED FOR A DATE WITH THE MOVIE JERK. THAT, IS HOW IT'S DONE. NOW, LET'S G...
3 comments:
Saturday, April 11, 2009

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (DYSLEXIC REAVES, RETARDED E.T.'S; 2009)

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AFTER THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, IT STARTED MOVING AGAIN. THE DOW JONES RALLIED SHORTLY AFTER THE WHITE HOUSE CONFIRMED THAT LIFE FROM O...
2 comments:
Tuesday, January 20, 2009

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (BRAD PITT, CATE BLANCHETT, WRINKLED PENIS, CGI; 2008)

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2008 WAS PRETTY SWEET. IT LEFT ME WITH THE SAME WARM FEELING I GOT WHEN A $75 HOOKER, WHOM I TIPPED WITH PEPPERMINT SCHNAPPS, GAVE ME CRABS....
5 comments:
Friday, October 24, 2008

BODY OF LIES (RUSSELL CROWE, LEONARDO DICAPRIO; 2008)

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LEONARDO DICAPRIO HAS DECIDED TO RELEASE HIS MOST MEDIOCRE MOVIE SINCE GROWING PAINS . BODY DEPICTS HOW EASILY TERRORISTS CAN DESTROY OUR M...
5 comments: