THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (DYSLEXIC REAVES, RETARDED E.T.'S; 2009)

AFTER THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, IT STARTED MOVING AGAIN. THE DOW JONES RALLIED SHORTLY AFTER THE WHITE HOUSE CONFIRMED THAT LIFE FROM OTHER PLANETS WAS ACTUALLY MUCH DUMBER THAN WE ARE. THIS HELPED TO RELIEVE OUR FEARS THAT THE CHINESE COULDN'T CONTROL US BY PURCHASING OUR NATIONAL DEBT BECAUSE THEY ALREADY DID IN THE EARLY 1930'S WHEN WE THOUGHT THEY WERE ALIENS. IT WAS A TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING. OVERLY AGGRESSIVE, INHUMANLY UNHYGIENIC, PEOPLE WITH NIGHT VISION THAT DON'T LOOK RUSSIAN? UH-OH. FUCK! GET UNDER YOUR DESK KIDS! CIGARETTES JUST SHOT TO TEN DOLLARS A PACK AT YOUR LOCAL DELI! WHICH, IS WHY THE MOVIE JERK VOTES FOR LESS GOVERNMENT AND/OR ALIEN CONTROL. IF I HAVE TO HIDE UNDER MY DESK TO AVOID A VERY LARGE BOMB I'M GOING TO FEEL A LITTLE FOOLISH IF

A. KEANU REEVES IS STILL ACTING ANYWHERE

B. I DIED UNDER A DESK

C. GARY BUSEY SURVIVES

TO ENJOY THIS AWEFUL REMAKE YOU SHOULD BE OBESE AND DESPERATE TO LEAVE THE EARTH.

-TMJ