IF THE WORLD WERE GOING TO END IN THREE DAYS I CAN PROMISE YOU THE MOVIE JERK WOULDN'T BE DEPENDING ON AN "ARC" MADE IN CHINA TO SAVE MY LIFE. CONSIDERING THE CHINESE VALUE FLIP-FLOPS MORE THAN HUMAN LIFE, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BEGIN GUESSING WHAT VARIOUS TOXIC MATERIALS OUR EASTERN NEIGHBORS USED TO CONSTRUCT THIS SUPERBOAT. NOT TO MENTION BEING ACTUALLY STUCK ON THE BOAT WITH THE CHINESE UNTIL SED BOAT ARRIVES AT ITS DESTINATION, WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS UNKNOWN BECAUSE 75% OF THE WORLD HAS BEEN CONSUMED BY A TIDAL WAVE AND THE OTHER 25% CONSUMED BY OLIVER PLATT.
YOU THINK I'M DONE YET? WRONG! NOW PICTURE THIS CRAP. LET'S SAY WE FINALLY LOCATE A PIECE OF LAND THAT HAD AN ELEVATION HIGH ENOUGH NOT TO BE CONSUMED BY WATER. FIRST OF ALL, YOU KNOW THE LAND MASS ISN'T GOING TO BE THE SIZE OF CHINA. SECOND OF ALL, THE CHINESE OBVIOUSLY HAVE A BREEDING PROBLEM WHICH IS WHY THEY KEEP ABORTING THEIR KIDS IN APPROXMATELY THEIR 4TH TRIMESTER. (THAT'S AFTER THE KID'S BORN FOR THE IDIOTS). (THAT'S WHEN YOU PREHEAT THE OVEN TO 425 AND INVITE EVERYONE OVER FOR LITTLE HU CHOW'S LAST BIRTHDAY. "THAT HU WAS A GOOD KID. I COULD'VE TRADED HIM IN FOR A WATCH BUT WE ALL GOTTA EAT. CHEERS.") MY POINT IS, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT IS UNTIL THE ENTIRE ISLAND IS FLOODED WITH LITTLE CHINA-MEN CHASING US AROUND WITH BAMBOO CANES AND TRYING TO SEND US TO RE-EDUCATION CAMPS? IN THESE CAMPS WE WILL LEARN THAT THE CHINESE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR BUILDING THE BOATS THAT SAVED OUR LIVES. THEREFORE, WE WILL WORK FOR THEM AND THEY WILL OWN THE ISLAND.
OH YEAH. THAT'S THE LITTLE SLICE OF REALITY THEY FAILED TO MENTION IN THIS HEEP-O-SHIT FILM. AS FOR THE MAYANS WARNING US ABOUT 2012? I DON'T RECALL SEEING ANY MAYANS REPRESENTED AT THE LAST U.N. COUNCIL. WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. FOR ALL THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS TO ARCITECTURE, AGRICULTURE AND SCIENCE, THOSE ASSHOLES COULDN'T MAKE IT PAST 900 A.D. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. HOW THE HELL DOES A SOCIETY PREDICT THE END OF THE WORLD FOR 2012 WHEN IT CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO 1000? GET THE OMNIPOTENT JOHN CUSACK TO BACK YOU UP. THAT'S HOW.
I RATE THIS MOVIE AT ONE STAR, OR TWO DENNIS QUAIDS.
YOU THINK I'M DONE YET? WRONG! NOW PICTURE THIS CRAP. LET'S SAY WE FINALLY LOCATE A PIECE OF LAND THAT HAD AN ELEVATION HIGH ENOUGH NOT TO BE CONSUMED BY WATER. FIRST OF ALL, YOU KNOW THE LAND MASS ISN'T GOING TO BE THE SIZE OF CHINA. SECOND OF ALL, THE CHINESE OBVIOUSLY HAVE A BREEDING PROBLEM WHICH IS WHY THEY KEEP ABORTING THEIR KIDS IN APPROXMATELY THEIR 4TH TRIMESTER. (THAT'S AFTER THE KID'S BORN FOR THE IDIOTS). (THAT'S WHEN YOU PREHEAT THE OVEN TO 425 AND INVITE EVERYONE OVER FOR LITTLE HU CHOW'S LAST BIRTHDAY. "THAT HU WAS A GOOD KID. I COULD'VE TRADED HIM IN FOR A WATCH BUT WE ALL GOTTA EAT. CHEERS.") MY POINT IS, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT IS UNTIL THE ENTIRE ISLAND IS FLOODED WITH LITTLE CHINA-MEN CHASING US AROUND WITH BAMBOO CANES AND TRYING TO SEND US TO RE-EDUCATION CAMPS? IN THESE CAMPS WE WILL LEARN THAT THE CHINESE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR BUILDING THE BOATS THAT SAVED OUR LIVES. THEREFORE, WE WILL WORK FOR THEM AND THEY WILL OWN THE ISLAND.
OH YEAH. THAT'S THE LITTLE SLICE OF REALITY THEY FAILED TO MENTION IN THIS HEEP-O-SHIT FILM. AS FOR THE MAYANS WARNING US ABOUT 2012? I DON'T RECALL SEEING ANY MAYANS REPRESENTED AT THE LAST U.N. COUNCIL. WHY? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. FOR ALL THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS TO ARCITECTURE, AGRICULTURE AND SCIENCE, THOSE ASSHOLES COULDN'T MAKE IT PAST 900 A.D. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. HOW THE HELL DOES A SOCIETY PREDICT THE END OF THE WORLD FOR 2012 WHEN IT CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO 1000? GET THE OMNIPOTENT JOHN CUSACK TO BACK YOU UP. THAT'S HOW.
I RATE THIS MOVIE AT ONE STAR, OR TWO DENNIS QUAIDS.
8 comments:
movie prick is back!
dear TMJ
please review something daily, weekly even, its lonely w/o u.
what about inglorious basterds?
MOVIE JERK: YOU HAVE DIED FOR ME. YOU REALLY HAD TALENT
TMJ:you have died for me as well. dieeeeeee
the movie jerk: im bored, post something you cretin
movie jerk: please come back to my life... you write some funny shit, come on! please start a decent blog
MOVIE JERK PLEASE COME BACK!!! we are willing to support your blog via donations, please start including a banner at the top with your picture in it.
I agree. This girl is a huge bloated fatty and it cracks me up the defenses of her here.
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