REPORTER: "MR. CAGE THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. I'D LIKE TO BEGIN BY ASKING YOU ABOUT THE RUMOURS THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY JESUS CHRIST."
CAGE: "WELL BARBARA. THOUGH I'M NOT ACTUALLY J.C. I CAN SEE HOW PEOPLE MIGHT CONFUSE US. FIRST OF ALL, LIKE JESUS, I'M VERY MODEST. I OWN 13 HOMES AROUND THE WORLD BUT THEY'RE ALL SOLAR POWERED. EVEN THE CASTLE IN SCOTLAND. GRANTED I HAD TO BY ULTRA-VIOLET LAMPS TO HEAT THE SOLAR PANELS BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS RAINING OVER THERE. HOWEVER, THE POINT IS, I DEPRIVE MYSELF OF REAL ELECTRICITY TO HELP FEED THE MASSES. A LOT OF ACTORS WOULDN'T DO THAT. SECONDLY, I CARE ABOUT THE HOMELESS. JUST THE OTHER DAY I GAVE THIS UNFORTUNATE LITTLE THING THE KEYS TO MY BENTLEY. BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ABOUT MATERIAL POSSESSIONS BARB. THE LOOK IN HIS EYES WAS SO MUCH MORE REWARDING THEN A 250,000 DOLLAR PIECE OF MACHINERY...AND I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT HE SAID TO ME BEFORE HE SPED THROUGH 4 RED LIGHTS. HE LOOKED AT ME OVER THE PASSENGER DOOR AND YELLED, 'YO, AIN'T YOU THE MOTHAFUCKA FROM FACEBOOK?' TO WHICH I REPLIED, 'NO MY FRIEND. THAT WAS FACE-OFF.' FACE-OFF WAS A BLOCKBUSTER I HEADLINED IN 1997. I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER. THIRDLY, I OFTEN WORK WITH APOSTLES, SUCH AS JOHN TRAVOLTA AND LOUIS GOSSETT JR. WHO I MIGHT ADD ALSO DOUBLES AS MY 'BLACK FRIEND.' KIND OF LIKE A 2 FOR 1 DEAL AT DENNY'S BUT FAR MORE MEANINGFUL. SO AS YOU CAN SEE, I DO HAVE MUCH IN COMMON WITH THE SON OF GOD BUT HOPEFULLY PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE I'D BE SO ARROGANT AS TO CLAIM TO BE HIM. HAHAHA. GOOD QUESTION THOUGH BARB."
REPORTER: "WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR LATEST FILM, THE SEQUEL TO NATIONAL TREASURE?"
CAGE: "WELL...HMMM. I CLASHED A LOT WITH THE DIRECTOR WHICH IS WHY I SHAVED MY SIDEBURNS TO ONCE AGAIN PLAY DR. GATES."
REPORTER: "THAT DOESN'T REALLY MAKE ANY SENSE..."
CAGE: NEITHER DOES NATIONAL TREASURE 2.
REPORTER: 2 SHAY.
-TMJ
1 comment:
I don't get it? This is one of the better stories of Americana out there today. Are you saying you didn't like this one? Where's your patriotism?
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