BLUE VELVET (DENNIS HOPPER, DAVID LYNCH'S PEOPLE OF THE NIGHT;1986)

SOME WOULD SAY THIS MOVIE EXHIBITS CLASSIC ELEMENTS OF FILM NOIR AND SURREALISM. IN 1986 THE MOVIE JERK WAS QUOTED AS SAYING, "LYNCH'S LATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IS LIKE A GIANT SPOONFUL OF FECAL PEANUT BUTTER WASHED DOWN WITH A WARM GLASS OF THICK PISS." THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE WAS THAT ANYBODY CAN SAY AND DO WEIRD SHIT. ONLY DAVID LYNCH GETS PRAISED FOR IT. WELL, HE AND STEVE-O. APPARENTLY THIS EXPLORATION OF A SMALL TOWN'S PERVERSE CRIMINAL UNDERBELLY REJUVENATED DENNIS HOPPER'S LAGGING CAREER. HOWEVER, I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS HOPPER'S EARLY 80'S REHAB STINT THAT PROVIDED HIM WITH THE NECESSARY MENTAL CLARITY TO READ A SCRIPT, NOT TO MENTION PROPERLY REGURGITATE IT ON CAMERA. LORD KNOWS HOPPER COULDN'T FORM A FUCKING SENTENCE FOR ABOUT 14 YEARS AFTER THE PREMIERE OF EASY RIDER. GOD BLESS YOU HOLLYWOOD AND YOUR 17 CHANCES. ON A 100% COMPLETELY SERIOUS NOTE THOUGH, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF A LOVED ONE, INVITE THEM OVER FOR A HOME-COOKED ASPARAGUS DINNER AND A MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF BLUE VELVET. BE SURE TO ANSWER THE DOOR WEARING NOTHING BUT A BANANA PEEL AND YOUR COOLEST, MOST DISTURBING GRIN. CIAO FOR NOW - TMJ