WANTED (JAMES MCAVOY, ANGELINA JOLIE-VOIGHT-PITT, MORGAN "I'M ACTUALLY A WHITE MAN IT'S JUST THE LIGHTING" FREEMAN; 2008)

TO YOUR LEFT IS AN IMAGE OF ANGELINA-JOLIE SITTING BY THE MOVIE JERK'S BEDSIDE. (I LIVE IN BLACK AND WHITE. KEEPS ME HONEST). SHE'S THINKING, "WHY DID I SLEEP WITH THIS CLOWN? HE SMELLS LIKE A GARGOYLE AND I'M PRETTY SURE HE ONLY PRETENDED TO PUT ON THAT CONDOM." SENSING HER STRESS I AWAKE, STARE DEEP INTO HER EYES AND SAY, "WELL LAST NIGHT DEFINITELY MADE UP FOR THE SHIT MOVIE YOU CRANKED OUT WITH THAT SCOTTISH GEEK. HOWEVER, I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I CAN - FUCK ME! WHERE'D THAT ASIAN KID COME FROM!? NEVER MIND. LIKE I WAS SAYING, I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GIVE YOU A GOOD REVIEW. MAYBE IF YOU PUT THE GUN DOWN AND GRAB THE JERK SOME ALKA SELTZER FROM THE BATHROOM I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. I SAID GOD DAMN. ALL THAT HUMPIN' GAVE ME SOME GAS." EVEN AFTER RAIDING THAT TOMB THOUGH THE MOVIE JERK MUST MAINTAIN HIS INTEGRITY AND PROVIDE AND HONEST REVIEW/OPINION/TRUE NONSENSE. WANTED IS THE STORY OF A LEAGUE OF RIDICULOUS ASSASSINS. APPARENTLY THEIR HEARTS CAN BEAT 400 TIMES A MINUTE WHEN THEY'RE THREATENED. THIS RAPID HEARTBEAT CAUSES THEY'RE ADRENAL GLANDS TO LEAK WORSE THAN A FRESHMAN WITH THE CLAP. THIS "TALENT" ENABLES THESE ASSASSINS TO JUMP OF BUILDINGS, "CURVE BULLETS," SHOOT THE WINGS OFF FLIES AND DESTROY CITY STREETS AND CAREERS. IF THIS MOVIE TOOK PLACE IN THE MATRIX IT MIGHT'VE BEEN DECENT. HOWEVER, BECAUSE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT TAKES PLACE IN THE REAL WORLD, IT SUCKS. - HAPPY 4TH. BE SURE TO SWERVE FOR TREES AND PEDESTRIANS. -TMJ