The Flock (Richard Gere, Claire Danes;2007)

NEEDLESS TO SAY, AUDIENCES DID NOT "FLOCK" TO THIS DISTANT COUSIN OF 8MM (NICK CAGE). RICHARD GERE IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO BECOME UNFAMOUS. HIS PLAN OF MAKING VERY BAD MOVIES SEEMS TO BE WORKING. WITHIN TWO YEARS HE WILL MOST CERTAINLY BE WRITTEN OFF AS TALENTLESS BOX-OFFICE RUST WITH A PERMA-SQUINT AND POOR TEMPER. IN THIS MODERN MIRACLE, GERE PLAYS ERROL BABBAGE (PRONOUNCE "CABBAGE" WITH A "B"). ERROL TRACKS SEX OFFENDERS. FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH PEOPLE IN THIS OCCUPATION I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH AN EXAMPLE OF THEIR DUTIES. THEY FREQUENTLY BARGE IN YOUR HOUSE AND ASK YOU HOW YOU'RE DOING, WHERE YOU'RE WORKING, IS IT NEAR A SCHOOL, DO YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME IN TOY STORES OR THE WOMEN'S LINGERIE SECTION OF THE MALL AND SIMILAR QUESTIONS TO PUT THE SURROUNDING COMMUNITY AT EASE. AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT BUILDING SWING SETS IN LOCAL PLAYGROUNDS YOU SHOULD BE ALRIGHT. HOWEVER, EVERY NOW AND THEN THESE INSPECTORS ARRIVE AT YOUR HOME UNANNOUNCED AND ASK SOME PRETTY TRICKY QUESTIONS. FOR EXAMPLE THEY MIGHT SHOVE A PHOTO OF A TEENAGE GIRL IN YOUR FACE AND SCREAM, "MR. JERK, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL? HER NAME IS ANGELA. SHE'S THE CAPTAIN OF HER SOCCER TEAM, AN HONOUR STUDENT AND WENT MISSING 2 DAYS AGO." TO WHICH MR. JERK WOULD RESPOND, "NO SIR. THAT'S NOT EVEN MY BED IN THE PHOTO AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TIE KNOTS LIKE THAT. THOUGH MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE THIS OUT TO THE PATIO. I'VE LOCKED MY MINIATURE COLLIE IN THE BEDROOM AND YOUR LOUD VOICE IS MAKING HER WHIMPER." "MINIATURE COLLIES CAN'T SAY, 'HELP ME!' MR. JERK..." "UM...YOU KNOW, NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, I MAY HAVE SEEN THAT BED IN MY UNCLE'S HOUSE IN NANTUCKET. YOU SHOULD REALLY TALK TO HIM." AND SO ON. ANYWAY, IN THE FLOCK BABBAGE BECOMES OBSESSED WITH HIS MORE EXTREME CLIENTS AND BARELY KEEPS HIMSELF IN CHECK FROM USING HIS "UNORTHODOX" METHODS. HOWEVER, WHEN A YOUNG GIRL GOES MISSING, ALL BETS ARE OFF. CLAIRE DANES REALLY DIDN'T NEED TO BE IN THIS MOVIE. I GIVE IT ONE CORNER OF ONE STAR. -TMJ