INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (HARRISON FORD, SHIA LEBEOUF, KAREN ALLEN, CATE BLANCHETT, PHOTO OF SEAN CONNERY;2008)

I KNEW IT. THE MINUTE HARRISON FORD REMOVED HIS GOD DAMN EARRING HE STARTED MAKING GOOD DECISIONS AGAIN. NO MORE RANDOM HEARTS OR SIX DAYS SEVEN NIGHTS. THANK GOD FORD DIDN’T DESTROY HIS REPUTATION AFTER K-19: THE WIDOW MAKER BY DOING SOMETHING STUPID. YOU KNOW, LIKE GET CAUGHT ASPHYXIATING HIMSELF WITH A WHIP WHILE MASTURBATING IN A HOTEL ROOM WEARING NOTHING BUT A FEDORA. I’M PRETTY SURE THAT WOULD’VE HALTED THE INDIANA JONES VEHICLE. STAY COOL MICHAEL HUTCHENCE. YOU KNOW YOU SUCKED LONG BEFORE YOU DIED. LET’S NOT PRETEND WE CARED. THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL DOESN’T CHANGE THE INDIANA JONES FORMULA ONE BIT. THE STORY MIGHT BE A LITTLE MORE FAR-FETCHED THAN USUAL BUT LUCAS AND SPIELBERG ALREADY SET THE BAR PRETTY HIGH WITH THE FIRST THREE JONE’S ADVENTURES. THE ACTION SCENES ARE VERY LONG BUT NEVER DULL, LIKE LITTLE MOVIES IN THEMSELVES. THE PLOT DOES INVOLVE ALIENS, POSSIBLY INDY’S BASTARD CHILD, COMMUNISM, RUSSIANS, AND NUCLEAR WEAPONRY. THE STORY DOES HAVE A COUPLE HOLES BUT IT GENERALLY WORKS. THE OPENING DOESN’T WASTE ANY TIME GETTING INTO OLD SCHOOL JONESERY. AS LONG AS YOU DON’T EXPECT IT TO BE AS GOOD AS THE FIRST THREE JONE’S FILMS, YOU’RE IN FOR A GOOD ADVENTURE MOVIE. I'll STOP THERE BEFORE I RUIN THE PLOT. SEE THIS TONIGHT. -TMJ
P.S.
THE INCOHERENT ASIAN KID FROM TEMPLE OF DOOM REPRISES HIS ROLE IN THE NEW JONES. IT'S NOT SO BAD THOUGH. HE'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN WORKING WITH A VOICE & DICTION COACH AND HE'S WEARING SO MUCH MAKE-UP HE LOOKS LIKE SHIA LEBEOUF.
CATE BLANCHETT’S STILL HOT AS A RUSSIAN WITH A HORRIBLE HAIRCUT.
KAREN ALLEN AGES WORSE THAN WARM MILK.
SEAN CONNERY’S AN ASSHOLE.