Tuesday, March 18, 2008

DOOMSDAY, (RHONA MITRA, BOB HOSKINS, ALEXANDER SIDDIG; 2008)


UNABLE TO FIND A PRODUCTION PHOTO FROM THE FILM, I DECIDED TO POST A PICTURE OF THE MOVIE JERK DRIVING DOWN THE 405 FREEWAY DURING RUSH HOUR.....I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAW THIS. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FORGET THIS MOVIE FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS. BOB HOSKINS MUST BE LETTING A BOWL OF CHEERIOS CHOOSE HIS ROLES, BECAUSE AT ONE POINT, THAT POOR BASTARD WAS A REAL ACTOR. DOOMSDAY IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU REMAKE THE ROAD WARRIOR WITHOUT MEL GIBSON. WHO, COINCIDENTALLY, WAS PREPPING FOR A SEQUEL ABOUT A YEAR AGO WHEN HE WAS GOING 80MPH DOWN PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY, WHILE SCREAMING AT JEWS AND BUCKLING A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA INTO THE PASSENGER SEAT. THAT WAS FINEST EXAMPLE OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I'VE EVER HEARD. IN THIS WRECK, SCOTLAND IS QUARANTINED AFTER A BREAKOUT OF THE "REAPER" VIRUS. EVERYONE IN GLASGOW AND SURROUNDING AREAS IS LEFT TO DIE. MUCH LIKE THE BRONX. HOWEVER, SOME PEOPLE WERE IMMUNE. THESE PEOPLE DIVIDED INTO TWO GROUPS: THE INNER-CITY CANNIBALS AND THOSE WHO MOVED INTO CASTLES IN THE HILLS. THE CASTLE PEOPLE LITERALLY REPLICATE MEDIEVAL SOCIETY. IT'S HYSTERICAL. THE CANNIBALS REPLICATE THE LOWER EAST SIDE OF MANHATTAN IN THE MID-80'S. ONCE THE GOVERNMENT REALIZES PEOPLE SURVIVED, THEY SEND A TEAM OF BAD-ASSES INTO SCOTLAND TO OBTAIN A CURE. THE LEADER OF THIS TEAM IS A ONE-EYED MODEL. ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I CAN'T GO ON. THIS MOVIE WAS AWFUL. SEE IT ONLY FOR A GOOD LAUGH AT WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN MAKING A FILM.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I didn't know this movie even existed. Did you spend money on this at the theater? You must be rich if you piss away money like this. Looks like you posted this at noon. You must be jobless or a filthy rich retiree. Either way I think your reviews are classless and lack ingenuity. I read them so I know that there are people really stupid out there that I will one day exploit to get rich.

THE MOVIE JERK said...

THAT'S A GREAT REASON TO KEEP READING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

-TMJ

Anonymous said...

hey anonymous, why don't you take your mother's dick out of your mouth and admit to yourself that you're going to die poorer than a door-to-door shoelace salesman in Sarejevo. And nobody likes poor people.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I see what I'm up against - mother and cock jokes from a seamonster. I'm surprised the two of you actually get internet access in your trailer park. I suppose you have to truck on over to the local library to post these. You two retards are right on par with those brothers from the 1997 hit Gummo.

THE MOVIE JERK said...

YOU CAN'T BE "UP" AGAINST ANYTHING UNLESS YOU'RE CHALLENGED. NO ONE INVITED YOU. LEVIATHAN'S GOT ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH YAHWEH. WHY DON'T YOU SIGN YOUR NAME KILLER.