THIS IS THE STORY OF BEOWULF WITH A "U." B-WULF WAS A FIERCE WARRIOR WHO WAS GIVEN HIS KINGSHIP AFTER HE SLAYED A "GRENDEL" AND HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND WITH A WITCH WHO LIVED IN A CAVE.... UNLIKE THE MOVIE JERK, WHO KILLED A "HANDLE" AND HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND WITH A BITCH WHO LIVED IN A STUDIO. THE WITCH LADY, PLAYED BY ANGELINA "BATSHIT CRAZY" JOLIE, COULDN'T GET TO THE CLINIC IN TIME, AND BIRTHED A MONSTER WHO CAN TURN INTO A DRAGON. PRETTY STANDARD FOR A BASTARD CHILD WITHOUT ANY FATHER-FIGURE. ANYWAY, THIS EVENTUALLY LEADS TO A SERIOUS FATHER / SON CONFRONTATION. I'LL STOP THERE TO SAVE THE ENDING. THE MOVIE JERK WAS SOMEWHAT IMPRESSED WITH THIS LITTLE NUMBER. THE LAST TIME ANIMATION GAVE ME AN ERECTION I WAS WATCHING WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? SO, NICE JOB JOLIE, YOU'RE "ACTING" HAS AROUSED THE AUDIENCE ONCE AGAIN. FOR ALL THE HISTORY MAJORS OUT THERE, I BELIEVE SCREENWRITER ROGER GAMAN CUT OUT A FARE AMOUNT OF THE ORIGINAL EPIC TALE. FORTUNATELY, BY THE TIME I'M 50, THEY'LL HAVE TURNED THE ODYSSEY INTO A POP-UP BOOK. WHICH MEANS I'LL FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL THOSE ENGLISH PROFESSORS WERE SO EXCITED ABOUT. BEOWULF IS WORTH THE RENT. - TMJ
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