I'M REALLY PROUD OF HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN. OBVIOUSLY HE HAD CEREBRAL PALSEY AS A CHILD BUT STILL FOLLOWED HIS DREAMS ONCE HE CAUGHT THE ACTING "BUG." HE'S MANAGED TO LAND SOME MAJOR ROLES EVEN THOUGH HIS RANGE CONSISTS OF TWO FACIAL FEATURES. ONE FEATURE IS "ALOOF SMILE/BLANK STARE," FOR THE LADIES, AND THE OTHER EXPRESSION IS THE CLASSIC "WIDE-EYED/OH SHIT I'M GONNA DIE," CREATED BY JAMES DEAN ON SEPTEMBER 30TH, 1955. AFTER READING HAYDEN'S BIO, I WAS AGHAST WHEN I DISCOVERED RON JEREMY WAS NOT HAYDEN'S ACTING COACH. JUDGING BY HIS PERFORMANCE IN JUMPER, I COULD'VE SWORN "THE HEDGEHOG" WAS BEHIND THIS YOUNG OSCAR CONTENDER. VETERAN ACTOR SAMUEL L. JACKSON, WHO TRIES HIS BEST TO DISGUISE HIMSELF AS SISCO'S SPERM-DONOR IN JUMPER, HAS REALLY COME FULL CIRCLE. FOR JEWELS, JUMPER IS LIKE A TWO HOUR EXTENSION OF HIS MAGNIFICENT MONOLOGUE IN PULP FICTION. THE ONE WHERE HE SAYS, "MY NAME IS THE LORD!...." THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT HE DOES AGAIN IN THIS MOVIE: SCREAM AT WHITE PEOPLE. EXCEPT THIS TIME IT'S WITH REALLY POOR WORD CHOICE. DIANE LANE HAS A 4 MIN CAMEO IN THIS ANOMALY. SHE MUST BE DESPERATE TO AVOID THE HOLLYWOOD PORN SCENE. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T GATHERED, THIS MOVIE IS THE WORST. THERE'S APPROXIMATELY 30 LINES OF DIALOGUE. THERE ISN'T ANY EXPLANATION AS TO WHY THESE KIDS CAN TELEPORT. NOR DID THE SCRIPT BOTHER TO INFORM US, WHY A GROUP OF PEOPLE NAMED "PALINS" HAVE BEEN CHASING THESES "JUMPERS" FOR CENTURIES. I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING THIS UGLY SINCE THE ELEPHANT MAN. STAY HOME AND PLAY WITH THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
No comments:
Post a Comment