BEFORE M. NIGHT SHAMALAN'S THE HAPPENING (NO IT'S NOT A B.E.T. SITCOM) HITS THEATRES, I WANT YOU FORGET THE SIXTH SENSE AND ASK YOURSELF, "WHAT HAS M. DONE IN THE PAST 8 YEARS THAT I'VE ENJOYED?" YOUR ANSWER SHOULD BE, "OH YEAH! THAT AMERICAN EXPRESS COMMERCIAL STARRING HIMSELF AND ALL THE SHITTY CHARACTERS HE'S CREATED." AND YOU WOULD BE CORRECT. HOWEVER, THERE ARE A FEW AMAZING ELEMENTS IN THIS PARTICULAR ACHIEVEMENT. THE FIRST IS THAT SOMEONE IN HOLLYWOOD ACTUALLY THINKS PAUL GIAMATTI CAN HOLD A MOVIE, AND THAT THE AMERICAN PUBLIC WANTS TO PAY TO LOOK AT HIS FACE. THE SECOND IS THAT RON HOWARD MANAGED TO CREATE SOMETHING MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN APOLLO 13, THAT BEING BRYCE HOWARD. HOWEVER, I THINK SHE MIGHT'VE BEEN MOLESTED BECAUSE SHE BARES AN EERILY SIMILAR RESEMBLANCE TO DARYL HANNAH IN RON HOWARD'S SPLASH....AND WE ALL KNOW THAT MERMAID WAS DIRECTLY CREATED FROM RON'S SEXUAL FANTASIES. THE THIRD IS THAT FREDDY RODRIGUEZ CAN FIND WORK. IN CASE YOU FORGOT THE PREMISE, THIS FILM IS ABOUT A FAIRY TALE CREATURE, CALLED A "NARF," WHO'S STUCK IN OUR WORLD. MOST OF THE FILM FOCUSES ON THE WOLF-LIKE PREDATORS TRYING TO PREVENT THIS "NARF" FROM RETURNING TO HER FANTASY LAND. WHAT THE FILM SHOULD'VE FOCUSED ON IS WHETHER OR NOT THESE "NARFS" HAVE THE APPROPRIATE GENITALIA FOR INTERCOURSE. 'CAUSE THERE'S NO POINT IN SAVING SOMETHING YOU CAN'T FUCK.... FAIRY TALES AND DIAPERS ARE FOR BABIES AND THE ELDERLY. LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY M.. PLEASE STOP. GO FUCK YOURSELF. -THE MOVIE JERK.
No comments:
Post a Comment