Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I COULD NEVER BE YOUR WOMAN (MICHELLE PFEIFFER, PAUL RUDD;2007)


YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS WHEN YOU JUST GIVE UP. FOR THE MOVIE JERK IT'S ABOUT HALF THE YEAR. THAT HALF BEGAN YESTERDAY WHEN THE MOVIE JERK RENTED THIS. THIS IS BASICALLY A POOR REMAKE OF THE FILM PRIME STARRING UMA THURMAN. IT'S A ROMANTIC COMEDY STARRING TWO ACTORS WHO HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAT DAY. THE PLOT REVOLVES AROUND THE OFTEN HUMOROUS ISSUES THAT ACCOMPANY AN OLDER WOMAN RECAPTURING HER YOUTH WITH A YOUNGER MAN. I CAN ONLY HOPE EVERY WOMAN DEDUCED THE SAME MESSAGE I GOT FROM THIS MOVIE....IF YOU LOOK LIKE MICHELLE PFEIFFER NO GUY WILL GIVE FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR AGE. 46? GET IN THE BED. 35? PUT THE SEAT BACK. 17? ONLY WITH YOUR PARENTS' CONSENT AFTER THE FACT. OCCASIONALLY, THE MOVIE JERK ACTUALLY LIKES THESE FILMS. I PRETTY MUCH ENJOY LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH ANY MAN, WHETHER IN LIFE OR ON SCREEN, WHO DOESN'T HAVE TO RUFFEE HIS DATES TO GET LAID. I THINK IT'S AN ADMIRABLE QUALITY. PLUS THAT SHIT'S ILLEGAL AND EXPENSIVE. I ALSO HAPPEN TO HAVE A SWEET TOOTH FOR G.H.B. MYSELF, WHICH CAN QUICKLY TURN ANY NIGHT OUT INTO A TORNADO OF REGRET, POLICE, AND DEBT. IF YOU ENJOY FLUFFY COMEDIES AND SEEING PEOPLE HAVE SEX WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF THE LAW, RENT THIS CHARMER.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can't say I've seen this movie. Nor do I have an opinion on it. I just want to see more shots of Jean Claude VanDamm in a leotard.

Anonymous said...

I believe this is the correct term you were searching for at the end of this article.

The shame spiral consists of continued, connected thoughts and emotions of lack of self-worth, shame, regret, embarassment and commitments to refuse to ...
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shame+spiral

THE MOVIE JERK said...

Verb: To be emotionally engaged in the condition of a shame spiral.


Simon: How's it going, Chris? You awake yet?
Gary: Oh god I'm so hungover. I hate this. I hate myself. I'm never doing that again. What kind of a jack-ass was I last night?

Simon: C'mon, quit shame spiralling. It's no big deal. So, you got a little bit wasted last night.

Gary: I spent my last $50 on booze last night. I hate myself and want to die. I'm never drinking again. I can't believe I hit on my student last night. I'm such a pig. Go away.

HAHAHHAHA. AS EXEMPLIFIED IN THE URBAN DICTIONARY...."I CAN'T BELIEVE I BEAT MY WIFE LAST NIGHT." "I'M SOOOO OUTTA CONTROL." "YOU GOT 50 BUCKS?"