AFTER A ONE NIGHT STAND, AN ATTRACTIVE ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALIST FINDS HERSELF HUNGOVER AND PREGNANT WITH SOME FUCKING LOSER’S KID. APPARENTLY OUR FEMALE STAR HAS MANAGED TO SUSTAIN HER COMPLETE INNNOCENCE AND NAIVETE IN THE DRUG-FUELED, FAST-PACED WORLD OF ENTERTAINMENT. SHE CAN’T HOLD HER LIQUOR WORTH A DAMN, SHE WON’T HAVE WEEKLY ABORTIONS, WHICH IS JUST ABSURD, AND AT 24 YEARS OLD, SHE HASN’T MANAGED TO FIND AN EFFECTIVE FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL. SHE’S BASICALLY RIGGED TO RUIN LIVES IN A SINGLE NIGHT, SUCH AS THE LIFE OF OUR FAT, IDIOT PROTAGONIST. HER INEFFECTIVE, OR LACK OF, BIRTH CONTROL IS JUST PLAIN FOOLISH. NOT ONLY DOES THE "THE PILL," OR PATCH, ACT AS A CROCODILE-FILLED MOAT, DETERRING SPERM LIKE THEY'RE MEDIEVAL KNIGHTS ATTACKING A CASTLE, IT’S ALSO PROVEN TO PREVENT STD’S, ALIEN INVASION, STOP TERRORISM, AND BOOST THE ECONOMY. AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED THIS GIRL IS A TOP RANKING MEMBER OF AL QUEDA. SHOCKINGLY, KNOCKED UP AMASSED 150 MILLION AT THE BOX OFFICE. THIS LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THOUSANDS OF IMBECILES VIEW ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY AS HUMOROUS AND CUTE. THERE’S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT PREGNANT WOMEN OR KIDS. THE FORMER ARE HORMONAL, COMPLETELY INSANE AND USELESS. THE LATTER ARE EXPENSIVE AND SHIT EVERYWHERE. THERE’S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT……SUPERBAD WAS FANTASTIC THOUGH. NICE COMEBACK.
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