THE STUDIO COULD'VE HIRED MR. PEANUT TO PLAY THIS ROLE AND I GUARANTEE THE CRITICS WOULD'VE GIVEN THIS FILM BETTER REVIEWS. I'M CONVINCED NICK CAGE WOULD BE THE SPOKESMAN FOR TAMPAX IF SOMEONE WROTE HIM A LARGE ENOUGH CHECK...."HI, I'M NICK CAGE. IN THE 25 YEARS SINCE I MADE VALLEY GIRL I'VE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT THE INCONSISTENCIES OF HOLLYWOOD. HOWEVER, ONE CONSTANT I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON IS MY HEAVY FLOW. WHICH IS WHY I TRUST TAMPAX: THE FRESHER, BETTER PAD...." WHAT AN ASSHOLE. THE LAST TIME CAGE MADE ANYTHING WORTH WATCHING, ED HARRIS STILL THOUGHT HE HAD A SHOT AS A LEADING MAN. IN THIS GOD-AWFUL REMAKE, CAGE STARS AS A HIGHWAY PATROL OFFICER WHO LOOKS LIKE THE MISSING THIRD PARTNER FROM CHIPS. HIS CHARACTER IS INVESTIGATING A GIRL WHO MYSTERIOUSLY DISSAPEARED ON HIS HIGHWAY BEAT. THE INVESTIGATION BRINGS HIM TO A REMOTE VILLAGE INHABITED BY UNATTRACTIVE PAGANS. HOW THEY CONTINUED TO REPRODUCE AMONGST THEMSELVES WAS BEYOND ME. ANYWAY, BIG SHOCK!, THEY KIDNAP AND SACRIFICE KIDS AND NOSY COPS....IF ONLY LIFE HAD IMITATED ART IN THIS PARTICULAR SCENARIO, WE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN SUBJECTED TO NATIONAL TREASURE 2: YO FUCK THE GOV'MENT. DO NOT RENT WICKERMAN '06, BE SURE TO PICK UP THE ORIGINAL FROM 1973. -T.M.J.
2 comments:
Why does Nicolas Cage always wear the same f*cking confused look on his face? It doesn't matter what the emotion is supposed to be, the only face he does is confused.
I'm confused, too; in particular, I don't understand how this guy keeps getting roles, and then I am reminded of the average IQ of an American. Yes, this is the actor who packs the movie theaters! By this logic, Obama is a shoe-in for president, with Paris Hilton as VP.
he also be the nephew of coppola lest we forget
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