Thursday, December 27, 2007

SERAPHIM FALLS (PIERCE BROSNAN, LIAM NEESON;2007)


ROB ROY AND REMINGTON STEELE STAR IN THIS WESTERN TALE OF REVENGE STEMMING FROM THE ATROCITIES OF THE CIVIL WAR. UNFORTUNATELY, WE ALL ALL KNOW WHEN IT COMES TO WESTERNS: IF IT'S NOT EASTWOOD ITS NO GOOD. I RECOGNIZE HOW THIS MOVIE SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA. JUST LIKE MICHAEL J. FOX ADVERTISING CLEAR PEPSI. UNTIL YOU REALIZE THE SODA TASTES LIKE BUDISSY AND THE CELEBRITY CAN'T HOLD THE BOTTLE. HEY..WAIT A MINUTE PEOPLE...RUSH LIMBAUGH WENT THERE FIRST. REMEMBER THE HYPE SURROUNDING CLEAR PEPSI AND CRACK-COCAINE IN THE '80S? IF I'D ONLY FORESEEN THE STAYING POWER OF CRACK I WOULD'VE INVESTED IN THAT. UNFORTUNATELY, I TOOK MARION BERRY'S ADVICE AT 2AM AND BOUGHT STOCK IN CLEAR PEPSI AND THE DELOREAN. THAT'S THE LAST TIME I HANG OUT WITH THAT DICKHEAD. ANYWAY, LIKE MY INVESTMENTS, THIS MOVIE LOSES. IT STARTS OFF GREAT BUT THEN BECOMES A 1 HOUR AND 57 MINUTE CHASE THROUGH MULTIPLE LANDSCAPES, ENDING IN AN AWFULLY CONFUSING, SURREAL MANO Y MANO SHOOT-OUT. IF YOU LOVE WESTERNS, I'LL FORGIVE YOU FOR RENTING THIS WITH A BLOCKBUSTER COUPON.

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