BABEL (BRAD PITT, KATE BLANCHETT, EGO; 2006)

IN BETWEEN SAVING ORPHANS FROM EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY EXCEPT HIS OWN AND COUPLING WITH A SICK BITCH WHO'S MORE TWISTED THAN A PRETZEL; BRAD ALSO MANAGES TO CRANK OUT ARROGANT, SHIT MOVIES. PERHAPS YOU CAUGHT HIS LAST PIECE, THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES...? I DIDN'T. NOT AFTER HIS LATEST FACEFUCK, BABEL, PRONOUNCED, GIMMEE BACK MY FUCKING MONEY. BABEL IS A STORY DEPICTING THE TRAUMATIC UNISON OF THREE "UNRELATED" EVENTS/PEOPLE CONNECTED BY COINCIDENCES ABOUT A LIKELY AS ME WAKING UP WITH A 13 INCH BLACK DICK.....AND IF THAT DOES HAPPEN, YES, I WILL VOTE ALEC BALDWIN FOR PRESIDENT WITH TOM CRUISE AS HIS RUNNING MATE. WHY DO I TAKE THIS RISKY BET YOU ASK?....BECAUSE I'M HUNG LIKE A FIELD MOUSE, AND EVERY DAY I PRAY FOR MORE THAN A THIN, TWO INCH ERECT PENIS. I'D VOTE FOR MICKEY MOUSE IF I COULD JUST HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF USING MY ENTIRE HAND FOR ONCE. WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO THIS JERK-OFF OF A FILM I HOPE YOU NEVER RENT. IN THIS HOLLYWOOD ASS POUNDING, A BOY IN THE ENDLESS SANDS OF THE MOROCCAN DESERT ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS AN AMERICAN TOURIST WITH DADDY'S RIFLE. THE CHAIN OF EVENTS SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL FROM THERE LIKE FOURTH GRADE SPIN NINJAS. LAST I CHECKED, ACCIDENTALLY KILLING SOMEONE FALLS UNDER THE CATEGORY OF MANSLAUGHTER. HOWEVER, IF YOU KILL AN AMERICAN IT'S COOL, BECAUSE WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT KILLING EVERYONE WHO GOT IN OUR WAY A MERE 232 YRS AGO WHEN WE SIGNED THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. IT STATED, AND I QUOTE,"SUCK MY NUTS KING GEORGE, YOU LOUSY, LAZY, OVERTAXING FUCK." THEN WE HAD A TEA PARTY WITH THE CELTICS. IF YOUR NOT HOWARD DEAN DON'T TOUCH THIS PIECE OF SHIT....DON'T WORRY. I HATE HUCKABEE TOO. WAIT 'TILL THE MOVIE JERK KNOCKS UP ONE OF HIS GIRLS. HE'LL CHANGE HIS TUNE REAL QUICK. -ME