GROWING UP IN THE UKRAINE, PRETTY GIRLS LIKE MILA HAVE TWO OPTIONS: BE SOLD IN THE SEX TRADE, OR "BECOME BIG AMERICAN MOVIE STAR." UNFORTUNATELY, SHE LANDED A ROLE IN THE FIFTH ELEMENT, BEFORE MY CLASS TRIP TO THE USSR. DURING WHICH TRIP, I PLANNED TO OFFER MILA'S FATHER 15 EUROS AND A PACKET OF PEANUT M&M'S FOR HIS DAUGHTER. HOWEVER, THOUGH I WAS UNABLE TO PURCHASE HER, AND SHE'S NOT CURRENTLY CHAINED TO MY REFRIGERATOR, I APPRECIATE MILA'S ACTING STYLE. ESPECIALLY THE RESIDENT EVIL FRANCHISE: NO TALKING, FLASH ASS, SHOOT GUNS, DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO CAMERA. THAT'S MY TYPE OF GIRL, A HOT, DUMB, DEAF, MUTE. HER CRAFT IS ACTUALLY VERY NICHOLSONESKE WITHOUT THE TALENT. IN THIS EXTRAORDINARY FILM ACCOMPLISHMENT, SHE KILLS LOTS OF ZOMBIES WHO HAVE CONTRACTED A FLESH EATING DISEASE. THERE'S NOT MUCH TO IT. RESIDENT EVIL IS PART OF THE VIDEO GAME/MOVIE GENRE. SHIT CONSTRUCTED FOR THE TRULY BRAIN-DEAD. IF YOU LIKE ZOMBIES, HOT CHICKS, AND POT, YOU'VE HIT THE JACKPOT WITH RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION.
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